When Debra was born, I was seven years old. She was the first grandchild of mama and daddy. We called her Deb Deb. She was our world at the time. She was my niece, but more like my little sister.
She became a mom at sixteen. Her daughter was premature and weighed two pounds two ounces. She even dropped under two pounds, but due to excellent care at Grady, and plenty of prayers and nurturing, she survived. She is doing well with a family of her own. In 1987 she had her second child, a son. He is currently incarcerated. Her third child born in 1989, a girl, Is grown with children of her own.
Debra was a very good mother when they were small. Her home always clean. The children always clean, and dressed so cute She worked hard and cared deeply for her family. She helped me out at lot when my kids were small. They called her Aunt-Cousin Debra.
Something changed, especially after she lost her sister, Laura. Losing someone that close is horrible, but compounded when they are murdered. Laura was murdered by Debra’s brother in law. Such an hard time for us all, but I know Debra was affected in a very life altering way. Was not long after that she became dependent on drugs. Everything went downhill from there.
I fully believe she has inherited some mental issues from her biological dad. That plus drugs is a sad combination. People empathize if you have a physical condition, but mental issues go undiagnosed and people are unsympathetic.
I do believe she is culpable for her actions. Even though I sympathize with her. She may never admit to all her transgressions. She needs help, but will not accept a professional counselor, or professionally prescribed mental health medications.
Yes, she’s burned many bridges. She even claims her aunts abandoned her for years. When we checked on her, prayed for her, and never once stopped loving her. It’s hard for her to face what has happened in her life.
We’ve reminded her of God’s grace. How her past is the past. What she does now is what matters. She wants people to see that there is still good in her. But she doesn’t know how to get her life together.
Brenda took her in for a while. There was evidence she was doing pills. Passing out while having a conversation, slurring words. Brenda told her if she wanted to continue living there she’d have to cut out the drugs. She vehemently denied using pills and still maintains she’s not using. But sometimes it seems very obvious she’s on something. I genuinely enjoy her when she isn’t on drugs. She is a talented painter, a very hard worker. She has a sense of humor, and seems to care deeply.
Last night I realized she was at the bottom. She’s living in her car! D doesnt trust her, based on things from the past. He was leary of her coming here. So, I drove to where she was. Took her some cokes, snacks, headache medications, a blanket and twenty bucks. In typical Debra fashion she’s on FB next morning saying she has no money for coffee. I invited her here for coffee, to shower and eat breakfast. She never showed.
She was headed for a women’s shelter in Carrollton. But last I heard, she doesnt want to stay with crackheads and their babies.
I sincerely love her, but she frustrates me.
Please pray for her. She is loved. I am not ready to throw her away.
If you know of any way to help. Please PM me.
Update: Debra has kidney stones ended up in the hospital. She fell while there and hurt her neck
She was told to go to Grady for further testing on her kidney condition. But refused to let me help
I took her to One Roof, but they could not provide a place for her to stay. I took her a warmer coat and am praying for a miracle
Debra has not been a good mom since her children got older. They went through hell. She still wont admit she’s done wrong by them. Jenny, especially has given her chance after chance.
But what do you do. Totally disregard the “good” Debra? The one who was a good friend, and would give the shirt off her back for you. The Debra who coddled and loved her kids when they were young? Who gave birth, kept, and loved these kids instead of giving them up. Does helping her now mean you have to have a relationship with her? Nobody knows her history as I do, or her aunts. We know what she went through as a child. I will try to help her no matter how many times she disses me to someone. Trust me. It’s happened often. Just dont judge me for being there for her.
My mom gave me up as a young adult. Over religion. It hurt very bad. But when she needed us, in her dying days. We were there
My dad was never there for us as children. He was an alcoholic. I’ve carried him out of bars while drunk men slapped my behind. But he changed in his older years and was a grandpa to my kids. I was there for him till he died.
I can’t bring Debra here because she has a reputation of drug abuse and stealing. I understand why her children don’t want that around their children.
But she is still my neice and I’m gonna do whatever I can to help.
I’ve heard so much to add credence what we know. Debra is an addict. She needs to come to terms with this which means admitting she has a problem. If she would do this, I would do anything in my power to help her beat the addiction.