Tuesday, June 30th

Sitting on the porch drinking coffee in Panama City Beach. Looking up through a  palm tree at the Morning Sun and thinking about my nephew, Matt Brown, who had passed away during the night. I was thinking about his dad who is my brother, Terry.  and his mother, Tami Warman, a close friend and ex sister in law. What pain they must be feeling at the loss of their son. Thinking of comforting words I might convey. There was not enough time to digest this information. When around 10:00 am  Dennis called my cell with news that would shake my  daughter’s world, leaving her in the darkest place she has ever been. Grief consumes her. The words, “Adam’s dead” sent a wave of emotions through me that paralyzed me. I could not fathom this news could be true…. He was much too young, age twenty- five! WHY??? Erin, who had called Dennis, could barely get the words out and that was the most news she could bear to convey the time. So we had no details as to how this could have happened for maybe an hour after we found out of his death. My mind was spinning trying to sort this out. Then came the unbearable details.  He was killed when his car hit a tree. He apparently had lost control of the car in a curve.  It was an accident.  . I immediately thought of the unimaginable sadness my daughter was feeling now. And I am so far away! I have to to throw all my stuff in the car and get to her! Dennis, who was on his way back to Florida had already turned to go to her. Stephen and Katie were on their way to the mountains for a hiking trip.  They had just got on 400 when they got the horrible news. Without hesitation they tuned around and headed her way. Shaking so hard I could bearly hold onto the phone I managed a call to  my niece, Jesse, who lives in Carrollton.  Hoping I could get her to go on over to comfort Erin.  She said Erin already called her…She was on the way!
This was the first of an overwhelming outpouring of kindness and generosity we would receive.  I grabbed my stuff and hit the road with a mission. Everyone I spoke to was telling me to drive responsibly, don’t speed!  But I was driving faster than I ever had before . I shouldn’t have…but I did. I was fortunate not to receive a ticket.  I had to slow to 45 around the Alabama line. It was raining so hard it was difficult to see. After a journey that seemed never-ending,  I finally made it home.  Dropped off the dogs, took the fastest shower I’ve ever taken and headed to Carrollton.  It was a relief to finally get to Erin to give her hugs and motherly support.  She was a basket case …as  expected.
Lord, please take some of this pain from our baby! We were and are hurting, too. Adam was our beloved son in law. How could we get through this? How was his mom and dad, going to get through this?  Youre not supposed to bury your children! Adam was extremely close to his siblings.  This was so incredibly painful for so many people!! His grandparents,  aunts, uncles,cousins and friends.. all in utter pain.
I was able to allow myself to breakdown on that torturous ride from Florida.  But was able to hold up , for the most part, as I felt I had to be strong for the kids and Erin My bestie, Jan, commented that she knew mom’s have superpowers as she witnessed this firsthand.
Faith is so important. Especially now. Many have shared words of comfort.  Being there for her is all I can do. I feel so helpless in trying to console her. Grieving will be a process,…I want her to emerge stronger. This has certainly put a new perspective on my relationships.  As I was caring for my precious grandchildren right after this happened. I was  Overwhelmed with the things I needed to do. Sitting in my recliner about to feed Bennett his bottle,  I was looking over my living room at the toys strewn about and dining room table so cluttered. In that moment I realized those things were not important.  I decided to just live in the moment.  I cuddled that sweet baby boy and fed him that bottle. I talked to him and the Instant reward was his sweet eyes soaking it all up .  Adam loved to cuddle with his children. I will never let them forget his love for them. He gave us those two wonderful boys.  What a blessing they are! Losing someone so close to us can help us focus on our relationships.  That is a good thing.  But anyone who  has followed my blogs knows how I feel about “Everything happens for a reason”. I just do not believe God caused Adam’s wreck. I didn’t believe he would have  Laura die such a brutal death. Awful things just happen.  But our faith can bring us through the pain. We just have to learn how to give it over to God.

We want to thank everyone who gave their sympathy. All the Facebook comments, the cards, flowers, donations, food, babysitting, and being there for us… by so many people. ALL  was so appreciated. We are so grateful. Please know it lifted us and we felt the love.

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