soul searching

What exactly does that mean?  I think it means an internal search for what is important in our lives.  It makes us think about the purpose of life and what is most important to us. Life events sometimes motivate us to search our souls.

July 18, 2014, was a dark day for the Hammond/Parker families. My daughter Erin was carrying triplets. It was a risky pregnancy and I was fearful of this outcome.  She had a set of MoMo twins and has a Fraternal. MoMo twins are rare. They share a sac, and have a high risk of damaging the cord with movement or tangling.  However, upon a visit to the doctor for ultrasound they found the twin’s hearts had stopped.  The Fraternal, known as Baby A, was doing fine. I am praying, and asking for prayers, that he/she continues to thrive.  It is so hard for a mother to endure something like this.  I can also tell you it is not easy at all for the mother of that mother either.  It pierced my heart. Her dad was heartbroken as well.

So, why was I talking about Soul searching?   Well, I have had to dig deep into my soul for strength to get through this. Sorting out my grief. Grieving is a process.   There will be advice from so many people. Well meaning. People trying to help. I will have to take it in that spirit.

We will hear “Everything happens for a reason”.  Although we feel in our heart there could be no reason.  Right now none of that makes sense.  I personally,  do not like that line. (See my blog,  https://bhplayon.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/everything-happens-for-a-reason/)  I’m sure some will say it’s better this way. Are you serious?  They have no idea how special those babies were to us. From the moment you learn of their existence, and then actually see them on the ultrasound pictures. It is so very real. Embedded in your heart. These babies were our family.   We had hopes and dreams for them!   It is not better!    The best thing anyone can do is just be there and listen.  If  you have not been in this situation you wouldn’t know.

Yes, I do believe we should soul search and realize our blessings.  What I am so grateful for at this time is little Baby A is still thriving.  This is something for which my heart is so overflowing with thankfulness.  In my soul-searching I realize the people in our lives are what is important. In a flash they could be gone.  Being thankful for blessings and realizing what I have….more often than crying over what I have not.  YES, Praise GOD, A baby has survived. And that in itself is a miracle. How thankful I am for this!  Beyond words!  I am going to really love the people in my life. Think positively and pray.   Love never fails.

2 thoughts on “soul searching

  1. Well said Betty. I hope you all know we are here for yall in the grieving process. It is heart wrenching for all of y’all. Know that we love Erin and y’all are in my prayers. I have an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on. Love you.

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  2. Thank you, Brenda. We all appreciate the Love and Prayers….and being there to listen. I want to thank you especially for reading my blogs… I enjoy writing them, but It really is nice that someone else would take time to read them.

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