DEALING WITH MOM…..NOW WE ARE THE PARENTS

family

It is true. It could be Alzheimer’s or dementia.  We would love to get her to a doctor for a diagnosis. She has had the LaGrange City Police and the Sheriffs department out to her house just about every night last week because she says a boy lives in her attic. Sometimes he is with a girl. She hears him walking. He is real. She has seen him and talked to him.  As absurd as this sounds, she holds it as the absolute truth. My grandmother had a similar delusion about people in her attic. The fact they have the same delusion is anomalous. I’m told my great-grandmother also was delusional. It is hereditary. This scares the hebbie jebbies out of me!

The authorities contacted my brother and told him we had to deal with this situation or they would have to deal with it. They could not continue to go out there. So my brother arranged for us siblings to all meet and ride to her house for an intervention.  It was something none of us wanted to do, but we felt an obligation. My Aunt Ann and Uncle Jim who live in LaGrange met us there as well. At first she seemed so delighted to see us, but when we started talking about wanting her to see a doctor about her issues. It got ugly. She was very adamant about not seeing a doctor. She also maintained the boy in the attic was REAL and she was not like her mother.  The more we talked the more she became agitated. She was so stubborn and frankly, obnoxious. She kept holding her hand up and saying she didn’t want to hear it! At one point she left the room. She returned and we finally might have convinced her that if she didn’t go to the doctor on her own volition, the police would come and take her to Columbus Mental Facilities.  We will know when we return whether we will need a straight jacket or not. My brother will call her doctor for a referral and then try to get an appointment as soon as possible. We also broached the subject of driving a car. Or rather, her not driving a car. That didn’t go well.  But seriously this should be addressed before she kills someone on the road.

At one point in the conversation my mom was so angry she threatened to never speak to us again if we went through with this. I’m sure this meant something to my brother, but really, how much has she talked to any of us girls in the last thirty or so years? I hugged her on the porch as we were getting ready to leave. Her arms remained by her side. She never reciprocated. Brenda said the same was true when she hugged her.  I feel like all of us girls have so much more love to give our children and Grandchildren.  We would never want them to feel unloved.  I do not know how we came from the loins of this woman. She really is ungrateful to anyone who tries to help her. She cannot get along with anyone. She prefers being alone. She seems to have no love in her heart.The ball has always been in her court so to speak as to our relationship status. She is the one who told us she could not have us over and could not see us anymore. However, when she is hurt or needy, it makes us feel obligated. But I am on the verge of washing my hands of it after her attitude. It has taken a toll. But,   on some level I do care about her as she is my mother, so I may continue.   A warm fuzzy feeling would be nice but I know that isn’t happening…It really never has.  I will update this blog as the events necessitate.

 

July 24, 2014

There are plans being made to have mom see someone for a mental evaluation through Pathways services.  I will update when more information is available on that.
However, my sisters, Brenda and Margie have recently visited her on several occasions. They have found her in worsening mental dementia. She is adamant the man is still in her attic. She also says he has a hammock up a tree with a fence around it.  She was robbed by a neighbor. This was real. We think she had tried to enlist his help to get the man from the attic, and he took advantage of her.  Her purse is missing and bank account overdrawn. She is quite capable of keeping herself clean and her house in order.  But she puts herself in danger with her delusions.  She fell recently and and was taken to the ER. No broken bones……this time.   She was standing on top of the washing machine trying to reach to the attic. This is not good.  My sister took her to apply for public housing in Newnan.  At least she would be closer. But I really feel she needs supervision. Someone has suggested we take turns staying the night with her.  I would agree to bringing her to my home for a night a week.  She could live with me, as far as that goes, but I’m sure she would not like it here.  We celebrate Birthdays and Christmas and are Patriotic.  I do feel sorry for her and hope that we can get this situation taken care of real soon.

I thought this was rather humorous:  My sister took my mom a framed picture like the one featured in this blog post.  My mom points to herself and says who is THAT?  Haha  She thought that was an old woman and certainly couldn’t be HER.  And while they were looking around for an apartment complex my mom had told them about they passed an assisted living home. My sister pointed it out to my mom and said what about a place like that?  My mom said, “That is for OLD people.”  So apparently she sees herself as a younger woman. 🙂

September 29, 2014

My mom has a roommate and she is very nice. When she told us about her back in August she told me an Aborigine was moving in with her. I It was confusing. I’m thinking it was someone from a tribe in Australia. So i called my sister, Margie. She told me it was a “sister” from the congregation who is an Albino. Meaning she is a person lacking pigmentation in her skin. Back when I helped my mom with the yard sale, she told tales of the person in her attic. And many very strange tales of people being put on post and displayed at the plant across the street. Just off the wall stories. I just listened. Then I asked her if the man in the attic could be a demon. I then asked her to pray to her Jehovah. And the next time she saw the man or heard him she should shout out. “In the name of Jehovah, I demand you to leave!” Not long after the yard sale my sister told me that my mom told my brother the man was gone. It was a demon.

She has sold her house. I hope something opens up in Newnan. it will be easier to check on her here. I have not been as good as my sisters about checking on her. Margie and Brenda have been wonderful. I am going to make an effort to check on her regularly and to supply her needs. I do not get the motherly affection I would like from her. But she is my mother and as long as she is living I am obligated to care for her.

April 2015
I went with my sister to her apartment in LaGrange around Christmas of 2014. She was quite cordial with us and allowed us to take her to several places to shop. When we got home we took her to her upstairs apartment and Brenda and I loaded her groceries in a cart (Brenda had supplied to her) and we took them up and unloaded them and put them away for her. She then asked us to sit on her balcony with her. We did. The next day she called Brenda to inquire about an ashtray she saw in her truck. She wanted to know if she was a smoker. Brenda admitted to smoking, but told her she never smoked around her. My mother told her she could not associate with her because of that. After all Brenda had done for her she was cutting her off….again for smoking! I was livid. I called her and really told her off. I said she was throwing us away again! I love Brenda and all my sisters. They have been there for me the past 30 or so years! NOT HER! How could she be so shallow? Anyway, here we are again, in April 2015, still determined to help her in spite of her ways. She moved from the apartment in LaGrange. It was a matter of having to move. As she is not mentally stable and had an incident at her place in LaGrange. Long story short: She called 911 to a neighbor’s apartment because she thought a man was dead in there. He was dead and the people living there would not do anything about it. The authorities answering the call broke down the door of this apartment only to find nothing. Sad story. But she has been placed in Brookdale in Newnan, by my sister, Margie and brother, Terry. It is an assisted living home. It is quite a nice place. Nice apartment with a balcony She has meals in the cafeteria. Many activities there for her to take advantage of. When Brenda and I visited her for the first time in this new place, we had been there only a short time. maybe ten or fifteen minutes. A couple of ladies from her “Kingdom Hall” rang her doorbell. We were silent at first, then after an awkward acknowledgement of one another, as there were no proud introductions by my mother. No I guess she was ashamed she had us “disfellowshipped daughters” over. I then said, well, we are leaving. She put up no resistance. Brenda and I went into her bedroom to get her vacuum out. She had complained to Margie about it missing a screw. Brenda was able to fix it and we left. Later I got a call from her. She was confused about her key. I told her I had seen it on the table. She found it, then told me we should come back. But reminded me that “friends” like to visit on Sunday and that might not be a good day. She doesn’t even know us. Probably wouldn’t like the people we are. We do not hold to the teachings of her “organization”. We are free of that. Knowing God’s grace is so sweet. We do not need to be slaves of men. Look what it has done to this family!
A meeting was called by Terry to discuss Mom’s finances. We all met, (except Doris) at the home and discussed this out front of one of the buildings in rocking chairs. There is a lot I don’t know about her finances. Like what kind of deal she had with Terry regarding finishing out his basement. She lived there less than a year and it is our understanding she paid quite substantially toward this project. Even though I am really clueless about the situation with the basement. I have agreed to pay some monthly to help. I am hoping she will like this place more as she stays there. She said she feels confined. But really, she has proven to be quite nomadic. Whether she can accept it or not, her driving days are over. Such a hard thing for her to accept.
 

May 17, 2015

Mom had been agitated about her situation. She wants to be independent and doesn’t want us to have to help her She said she should have plenty of money to take care of herself, but she gave it to Terry for the basement renovation. She felt that since she only stayed there about eight months, he owes her some money back After all he is renting the place and receiving money. So Margie sent a letter to to Terry with our concerns. Today I got home from Florida to find a letter in the mail from Terry. He had responded and the more I read the madder I became. But I talked it out and now I’m not mad. Just determined to express my side of the story with a calm demeanor. I will not lay out any other financial details in this blog. Margie is setting up a meeting for this purpose. I do want to address one thing that really made me sick at my stomach. The accusation that we have never been there for our mother. But most of all, him saying that it is our fault that our mother has disassociated herself from us over the years. He claims we went against what we were taught and disconnected from the true God JEHOVAH. The idea that the witnesses have a direct line to God just blows me away. We left the religion. But not God. And that concept is not in their grasp. If at anytime they had reached out to any of us regarding any of her needs we would have gladly helped. The ball has always been in her court. And we did reach out during that time. She was always adamant about us coming back to the “truth” , as she calls it, before we could have a relationship. I find this very sad because she could have reached out to have visitation with our kids. They were not disfellowshipped. This religion is so shallow and harsh. To have a mom cut ties with her children because they turned away from the religion. Or were disfellowshipped. To me this is very un-Christian. They will never understand that I am happy to be away from that religion. Sad that it caused my mom to make those decisions. But I am happy to have a relationship with God thru Christ that isn’t connected to an organization. I am responsible to God for my behavior on earth. I am not willing to be part of a religion that allows men to be the judge. One question I would pose to the Jehovah’s Witnesses is, Where were you when she needed things? She obviously had chosen the religion over her children, so why didn’t they step in?

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